A drop 

Trickling down

Merging with another

Playfully lingering on the edge of a precipice 

Then plunging, at breakneck speed

Down, down to the bottom of the abyss

More on religion

The following will be my personal view, reiterated once more, since I do believe that I've typed a post on it before.

I am, as what I've said for a very long time, a free-thinker who believes in everything. It's probably about 50% Christian/Catholic/branches that worship Christ, God and associated saints, and 50% every other imaginable faith... because I've mostly only stepped into churches, and because I agree with some parts of the faith, and yet I don't agree with others.

I abhor proselytising.

My take on things is this:
I live in a multireligious society, Singapore. So perhaps somehow, the messages got through to me and I'm a truly multireligious person. I pick up things I like from everywhere. I believe in Taoism, Buddhism, Confucianism because I am Chinese, and behind me is a very long history of Chinese people and their culture. I believe in not sticking my chopsticks and spoon in a bowl of rice to avoid attracting spirits and ghosts, because that is the culture of us Chinese and my best friend in primary school once scolded me for doing so. After all, better to be safe than sorry, no?

I believe that ghosts exist, yet I believe very strongly also in Science. Sometimes, when people walk past alleys at night, there is the tendency to rush and get into the safety of their home. This is quite normal; according to science, our ancestors learnt to fear the dark, with its norturnal predators that posed a severe danger to them. Science says that the ghosts we perceive are in fact brainwaves. Yet science also cannot explain everything.

How do you reconcile science and religion? Dan Brown, in his many books from the Da Vinci Code series, explores a little. One books says that the soul does indeed have a little weight; at the final point of death, when the last breath is exhaled, the body becomes infinitesimally lighter. Perhaps that's real research; perhaps it's fiction. Perhaps that's just the weight of the last ounce of air leaving the body (not very possible). What is certain is that both science and religion seek to explore and define our surroundings. Did man not invent gods to define what they saw as supernatural? Religion tells us that the wind is to some a god; it comes and goes at a whim, sculpts and shapes landforms. Science says that it's due to hot and cold fronts clashing to bring us weather patterns like storms and even bigger hurricanes, tornadoes, cyclones. They may differ, but to some, God is up there, and has created the world. We seek to understand His greatness through science; we worship for the moral values to apply to science so we do not go astray.

How do you reconcile religions in the context of the special type of free-thinker like me? I'm not an atheist; I believe in God(s), a devil, heaven, hell. What's all this to me? What is common, really, to all religions? Do not all religions teach morals? Religions let us believe in something greater than ourselves, mortal man. Religions put our faith in someone higher than us, someone who has transcended our beings, who has the ability to shape our lives. God(s) go by different names: God; the Egyptian sun-god Ra; Quetzacoatal (I don't know how to spell this); Buddha; Allah. Men of God preach to congregations and tell them to be faithful to their spouses; to rid themselves of sins and evils; to rise above Evil; to be loyal to friends; to love their children; to be filial. Hence, do religions not have a common goal? Whatever people believe in, they find real. I simply respect people's wishes because their religion is real to them; I have no power in deciding what is real or false for them. I may present them with my viewpoints, but if they want to adopt a different style of thinking after, then that is up to them. I will be glad that they have changed their religions if they do because they have found their route to walk; not because they have switched to something superior in my biased eyes. To me, all religion is equal, because all religion teaches values, except in different phrasing. If one interprets holy texts like the Bible and the Koran/Quran without twisting the words within for their malicious own purposes, then is not all religion similar?
Hell and evil, too, have different names for different religions. Dante (not a religion), in Dante's Inferno, has his view that there are circles of Hell and the devil lies in the icy innermost ring. The Chinese have their 18 levels of Hell. Other hells are infernos, with fires kept burning eternally. Hells are generally places of suffering where people who have sinned are judged and atone for eternity. Some hells, too, contain a nicer area, analogous to the heaven found in other religions.
Evil goes by different names. The Devil; Beezlebub; Saturn; a fallen angel. What all this means is that evil comes to you and whispers in your ear and sometimes wins over an angel of good from your other, better nature - think of the classic paintings and cartoons of a person with a devil and angel on either side. This simply represents the frailty of man - that nobody is perfectly good or evil, be it whether one believes that one is born completely evil or completely good. There is always a battle that rages inside of us. Religion personifies this, and helps us to find the good in ourselves. Buddhists believe in doing god deeds and altruistic acts - so, too, do Christians, who donate to their Church, to the society they live in. To give is to receive spiritual fulfilment.

What, then, do I not agree with?
Some religions practice barbaric acts, such as the sacrificing of people to appease their god.
God says to go to war, and he will help the Israelites win and triumph. I'm very much against war.
Perhaps I may not have read the Bible throughly, because at a young age I read that and decided that such a God went against my principles, but that has stuck with me. Perhaps I may have unconsciously formed a biasedness without realising it. But until I touch a Bible again, that shall remain.
The Bible also states, at one part, that Man is above all animals because he alone has something called spirit; the self-awareness to want to seek God, something you can never imagine any other animal doing.
But is not the duty of Man, who is self-aware and smarter than any other mammal, to not proliferate so much so that one endangers everything else on this Earth we call home? Is our duty not to live sustainably, among Nature, to appreciate other living things and landscapes for the beauty that they bring? To want to conserve the genetic biodiversity that is so evident, even on a single humble plant that you pass by every day and perhaps endanger through vehicle exhaust?
Why must we pillage and crave for so much? To see the destruction of other species while consuming as much as we can as something that may even be endorsed by the religion we believe in? Have we not gotten out of touch with our roots?
Why must religion contradict and refute empirical evidence that Science brings forth? Who dares to dispute the fact that we share a common ancestor as other primates when it runs in our very DNA? Are we not, perhaps, slightly smarter hominids, a product of evolution? Are we choosing to be blind in this case? Is such a religion, then, falling short of what we aspire to be?

My strategy is to pick the things I agree with for religion and indeed, life in general. From everything, there is always something to learn, be it good or bad. I pray to whoever is higher than me, a mere mortal, when I am in need - and hopefully someone listens and helps. I seek the help of friends and older people, when I see that I aren't imposing too greatly. I try to help myself, because whatever change has to start with the individual - who will help and what will change if we don't help ourselves?
I pick out points I agree with and try to stick to them as best as I can. Perhaps I'm still an immature person, but I have gone a long way since secondary school.

Perhaps I really am doing everything wrongly.
Perhaps there is a God above, punishing me now for the wrongs I seek in persisting in. That I'm abhorring proselytising. But how would I know? Have I been wrong thus far? Am I on the wide path that a pastor has recently spoken of, not the straight and narrow?
Indeed, is there even a heaven above, and a hell below to go to after death? Or will we perhaps be reincarnated into different animals based on how we have led our lives, in a complex circle involving life and death?
But for me now, as long as I have this strong moral compass within me, and singing songs to give me the spirituality I crave, is that not my religion already? To believe in Science, to believe in religion and the inherent tendency of humans to do good, to seek spirituality through singing. That is good enough for me, because as long as I have no regrets (I do), as long as I have dreams and goals towards which I work towards honestly, then to me, this is a life well lived.

Confused.

Life has been pretty harsh to me lately.
They say, bad things always happen in threes.. Indeed, I've had a harrowing time lately. First is family issues. Next is friends... especially someone whom is very, very close to me. Lastly, I just realised that the memory card for Chorale trip has been lost. This matters not because of the physical loss of the memory card, but because of its implications... How many have been waiting for me to upload their precious photos that contain all the memories? How can I share them with family and friends? How can I have any memory of what I took? To be sure, a kind soul has offered to give me her photos, but can that really be the same if our lens were pointed at different things?

Why is all this happening? Because of coincidence? Because there really is a God up there, deciding to punish me for my dislike of proselytising? Because someone has decided to put me through what seems like endless trials? I feel so lonely now... Who can I turn to? My friends don't know me well enough; those who do have their own problems to settle and I don't wish to worry them, as do my parents...
Where is a figure of authority when I need one? Is this supposed to turn me towards God? Am I fated to renounce my identity as free-thinker, something I treasure greatly? Who will guide me through the many dilemmas I face? Or am I destined to spend the remainder of my energy mired in this and end up throughly broken, unable to mend?
All the pressures, all the things I've had to deal with. So muh that I don't agree with. Someone whom I've let down greatly. How? How do I cope... How do I bring smiles back to faces?

Numb.

I will walk on, and obstacles will block me. Arrows will be shot through me. Fore will burn me. Water will attempt to drown me. When I cannot walk anymore, I'll crawl forward, with the roil of emotions in my head for company. I'll move forward mechanically until finally, the day comes when I cannot anymore. And there I'll stop and cease to exist, alone, while the world that has been passing me by continues on as usual.

(Hasty) reflections

Ho, I've not logged into Blogger for so long and look what happened to them.. got a new look! I suppose things change, along with people, huh... The milieu we live in is just that, constantly changing. I think I've mentioned somewere before that I'm not one to like changes very much, even on trips overseas. So, anyway. In the past two months,
- I've had my biosoc farewell
- Chorale trip to Austria; Czech Republic, Olomouc (where I've previously been to, so it was deja vu and very welcome, though I did wish for a different hotel...); Poland, Krakow for choir competition; then back to Czech Republic, Prague
- Last Biosoc outing for J2s (informal)
- Some more personal stuff which I may touch very briefly on... mostly bad, though. I realised though I've mostly gained, I've caused her harm... feel very guilty about it, always. What to do? Hopefully it wasnt all harm?
- Got to know a chorale J2 friend closer, even through his blog.

Now, since I've got no time I will not blog more now. But the stress from exam is piling on ever since I returned and I've about one and a half weeks left to prepare. So much things to do, so little time.... sigh. Hope I can finish what I need to do. Which is in itself very difficult, since I'm basically a sloth at heart, and perhaps (but hopefully not) a coward too.

PW

Hmm. Went to see my pasts last year and the 5 from 2010... So, I was that emo in the past? Though thankfully, i think I've become a slightly happier person, but one who still enjoys brooding on issues etc. for me, the time spent alone thinking about things issuing satisfying (this brings to mind a certain article called "the joy of quiet"... I think...)

Anyway, I received my PW results today and I was really happy! (for a short period of time)... It felt like I had this great crushing pressure relieved (如释重负）and my heart was beating really fast... Then I sat in the wrong seat -.-

But of course, there's no denying that I got a B for Chinese... So, based on these two experiences, and when my friend SMSed me a reply of "Shit." when I asked hi, how PW was, I felt like typing a short blogpost... So here I am.

I have typed this when I received my O level results, but it occurs to me more strongly now, knowing the sense of crushing defeat when you expect/ get a B (or below) especially when you know you've put in so much effort. It's so painful you're willing to block out the world, not care about other parties' concerned queries, etc. Education in Singapore seems to be a zero-sum game that requires some people to suffer in order for others to "win", in a sense, and derive their happiness.

It seems to me that this may be necessary. After all, There is a very real need for assessment of children's or any student's abilities- how good is he/she at solving math problems, for instance. But there is a trade off involved, which is that those who are not performing as well tend to firstly be classified unconsciously by teachers as weak, and this biased form of thinking would then favour those perceived to be smart, who generally live up to expectations, and disadvantage those who are perceived as less academically inclined - and they too feel that the teachers aren't focusing as much on them and hence their grades are correspondingly weak due to the lack of encouragement.
Secondly, the economy as a whole suffers. If students were graded based on how hardworking they were, the willingness to learn, and learn from mistakes, then that would be a far better skill for use in the working world. Studies have shown that whatever is left of our knowledge after graduating from school can be condensed into a short two weeks or so. Thus, what is more important is the inculcating of values such as being hardworking as staed above rather than a focusing of how well one can memorise and regurgitate content. At the very least, exams need to incorporate much more application skills rather than rote memorisation. Otherwise, discouraged students would not want to study, and would be less likely to earn a higher-paying job due to the lack of connfidence and lack of skills. In the macroeconomics lecture I just had, it mentioned that structural employment also has a "discouraged worker effect" where retrenched people become less and less likely to be reemployed after falling into unemployment, due to the loss of working skills and simply being discouraged to want to apply for a job. This could be caused by the zero-sum nature of education. Hence, it can be seen that getting rid of or minimising the association of grades with education would benefit society as a whole as individuals would be more confident and competitive, leading to an increase in national output.

Movie Review - Contagion

Okay, fine, this was an old movie, but I hadn't seen it before it was screened in Biosoc camp.

And anyway before I begin this short post, Happy April Fools' Day :D

Okay, so..

Contagion is about the horrors of what can really go wrong in our current world, increasingly interconnected via so many ways - by airplanes, ships, and cars and buses, etc.

When a virus passes from a bat to a pig, and then to a human, the virus decimates every cell it infects. But in the short amount of time it takes to kill a person, the period of time when a person is a carrier leads to many more infections happening. The movie introduces a term called "R-nought" - for example, with an R-nought of 2, the number of infected people increase like so: one squared equals two; two squared equals four; four sqaured equals sixteen; and so on and so forth. Imagine the number of people infected within just a couple of months. The movie introduces that possibility and makes it a very real threat.

The virus hence progresses rapidly from an outbreak to an epidemic, then a pandemic. An what' even more devastating is the fact that human behaviour, as it so often does, leads to catastrophe. Self-serving people who only tell loved ones what's happening cause hoarding of food. Then they tell their own loved ones, and pretty soon new media, like calls, social networking sites, blogs, SMSes spread the message like wildfire and everyone rushes to grab whatever they can. Medicines, food. A return to the basic needs. Riots happen and there is widespread looting. Anarchy is a terrible thing.

I feel tempted to discuss the movie more but there really isn't enough time... So I'll just leave it as, the husband of the original carrier is immune, is very protective of his little (teenage) girl after his son died as well, and forbids her meeting her boyfriend... but love will bloom no matter what, and once a vaccination is found by a brave biologist who uses herself as the test subject, things start to return to normal slowly, and the girl dances with her boyfriend in her house on prom night. The movie concludes shockingly with how the virus went from bat to pig to a chef to the first human carrier, the mother of the girl.

This movie, to me, is a powerful reminder of how things can quickly degenerate when people are self-serving in the midst of a crisis, and gave some insight as to how grave a disease outbreak really is. While enjoying ourselves and going about our daily lives, one must not forget to be cautious.

But of course, that's no cause for OCD and things... like being saliva consious.. (;