Insert Title Here

^ problem solved.


SO blah anyways.
The end of the 'holidays' is finally nearing, with a tentative four more days to the posting of results.
Apparently we the o'lvl grads that get posted to JCs have to report on the next working day. So if i receive it on Wednesday i have to go to the JC on thursday?
WTF.

BTW, I feel that this long break is a shortcoming of the education system. The two-month-long break has taken a toll on my lifestyle and what with all the slacking, sleeping-ins and etc i can safely say that i have forgotten most of the knowledge that i have acquired over the past few years (as mentioned earlier). Although some would get jobs, these are mostly lasting for just a few days and hence those who do not excercise enough self-discipline (like me) tend to be rather unproductive. I suggest that the break be cut short to one month only for whatever relaxation time a student feels is necessary or to attend workshops to decide future career paths etc. (which should be made readily available by a relevant authority; case in point of a certain Career Workshop undertaken by my secondary school BEFORE the onset of the O'levels when it should be made after, during Nov/Dec to occupy spare time.)

And as to a certain thought that i explored when i was in the midst of being depressed (thinking that i did really badly):The students who do well get praised and lauded and (apparently) have good future prospects, but WHAT REALLY HAPPENS TO THOSE WHO DON'T DO SO WELL? They fade from our collective minds into oblivion, entering second-tier educational institutions where if they don't work harder, continue getting dismal scores and eventually land a low-pay job in adulthood that might not satisfy their financial needs. To borrow the words of a book i've been reading (<<If you Want to be Rich & Happy>> by Robert T. Kiyosaki), the educational system is the one that mandates a percentage of students to become failures. Actually everyone has a hing they're good at and some might not be so good regarding grades because it requires one to engage in rote memorising.
Hence, we should recognise our sterotyping of those who don't do so well, or those who can excel and instead all should help one another towards a common goal of learning a particular topic for instance.
Regarding the book i don't really feel that i have fully comprehended it, and the title belies the trure purpose of the book, which is to educate mainly AMERICANS about their rusty, behind-the-times educaitonal system. Some things also apply to Singapore and its own model however, but i feel that the contents of the book do not address the title relevantly enough. I'll post a sumary of the book in point form once i get my lazy arse to it.

For now, i have to attend a farewell party of sorts with the residents of the estate i am living in because we're all moving out soon due to the en bloc. The thing i hate about gatherings, e.g. chinese new year is that everyone tends to point to you, and the adults will brag about who-and-whose children are doing especially well, blah blah blah, and crow about their personal achievements. So: hell ahead for the next few weeks or so. Time to face the music that's currently playing now (just a few metres away -.-).

Tata. Ciao. Bye. WHATEVER.

Unease.

...
Must i really type a title every time i want to post? Its.. such a hassle..
-.-

This past week has gone by in a flash, just as the previous weeks have. Passing so slowly when you're in the midst of it, yet when you realise that the dates have flown past you, it's too late to do anything more about it.

In order to semi-quit IMO, and try to make better use of my time, i've tried learning a piano song (still in progress, i suck at it). It doesn't have a name, but if you want to listen there are a few examples on youtube. I learn from a MIDI file there. Search for <Secret: time travel piece> because it's from a movie (不能说的秘密）

And i've decided that i should start building up my atrophied muscles once more, so i've been cycling for about 20 minutes each day for the past two days. Hope it helps.

When i cycle at about 3.30p.m. i can see students passing by me. Then, an indescribable feeling will surface in me.. i am envious at them for having something to do, because i am too free. I feel like a NEET. Wasting my life away.. watching the seconds and minutes tick slowly by, and coalesce into something far bigger. It makes me feel both anxious to go back to school but yet i don't feel like it; regardless of where i am posted to, i am far too slack, and have been for two months. I dread going back to school, and falling behind in the fast-paced learning, realising that i have unlearned what was drilled into me for the past four years.

It is raining now.
As i listen to the pitter-patter of raindrops outside, there is a sudden, overwhelming urge to revisit the songs that i once loved, and still love.
They calm me, and the goosebumps surface on my skin. There is something in music that resounds with my inner self, that relaxes me as i sit still and close my eyes.
Us chinese call it '陶冶性情'.
I recommend some songs (just go youtube and search)
Joe hisaishi produces really good music, and they go well with movies by Hayao Miyazaki
e.g.  Howl's moving Castle
       Spirited Away

and stuff like Winter Sonata..

Turn off the lights, lie down in a recliner, close your eyes, and enjoy their sublime beauty.

Dilemma.

okay.
so now i have my results.
There's a system used for O'lvls called L1R5, whereby L is a Language(either english or chinese) and R comprises of Elementary math, combined humanities and three other best subjects.
As a guide before the moderation of marks 75% for a subject gives an A1, 70% A2 and so on, until F9, beyond which is U(ungraded).
A1 gives 1 point, A2 2 points, etc. Hence the lower the better.
So out of a minimum of 6 points, i got 6.
I was really, really elated, and happy.. only my Higher Chinese got B3(i was praying for a just pass) so you can imagine what it felt like.
You can also minus off points based on CCA(co-cirricular activity, mine is choir) and a pass for Higher Cl ..
which gives me 2 points for a net aggregate L1R5.

Herein comes the dilemma, whereby I am forced to make a decision between VJ(viotoria junior college, my secondary school's affiliate), HCI(hwa chong institution) and RJ(raffles junior college).
VJ has many of my seniors from VS, and many of my peers will probably go there. It's one of the top JCs in Singapore.
HCI is also a top post- secondary institution, but i never really visited the place and don't know its culture.
RJ is also one of the very best, and i have a direct bus there, but i really don't like its green painted walls(lol).
Hence if i place RJ as my top choice, i would feel like a betrayer.
If i go VJ, I would miss the opportunity to go to a better tertiary institution.
Sigh.
What's a guy got to do...?


Meanwhile, my close friends TY and JY have their own struggles. TY got 8 points and can go VJ, but he doesn't know what to put afterward. Psh.
JY got 9 points, very unluckily. I considered him my friendly rival in class, and in the SJCHO TY got silver while i got bronze (and JY too), so i was expecting him to do as well as me too.
All in all, I wish JY luck in his appeal to go VJ (cut-off point/COP is 4 for science stream). I do wish that we will all be in the same class again.. having the same banter... being... friends.
I value friendship very much, but i'm a sloth. When i leave, i stop my contacts... It's really sad. I hope i can be more pro-active, and just achieve the best i can in life and be content with it.

Nightmare.

....
My father is a man who loves to play mahjong and golf. Lately, he's been doing this alot, too much in fact.
My family basically disapproves of his actions, and i feel that he should spend more time with his family. I guess this nightmare represents my worst fears.
Just before the results come out. Heh.

We were going to a theme park, where the star attraction was a huge waterslide. Now, there's a big one there where people sit awkwardly in some skeletal circular metal frame and move along to the bottom. Most people don't, as there are many many obstacles...
However, if you reach the bottom five times consecutivly, you get 5 millon dollars.
And after a series of events-- each one worse than the other-- it turned out that my father had brought us here (me, my mother and my two older sisters) just for that stupid event.
Just for a shot at the five million bucks.
And when i told him that it was almost impossible to get to the bottom of the slide 5 times in a row-- you need severaal billions of years, just like how entrophy is defied(e.g. broken things returning to normal) or the case of a monkey being able to type out operas.
So then came the most chilling of all his words:
"And that day might be today"
And i got brushed off, forgotten at the bottom of the long flight of stairs to the top of the slide, and i slid down onto the sand and cried.
I think i teared a little in my sleep too.

It tells me how insecure i really feel, i guess...
If i ever do get the chance to become a father, I want to give my child proper care, to mould myself into a figure that can be depended on, to be looked upon with respect. I want to deserve that respect that a child gives you, be it a teacher or a parent or an older sibling.
Because there is that responsibility to ensure that the fire does not go out in their eyes, that they won't grow up to become yet more jaded, uncaring adults.

Results.

Oh, well. This is a matter of life and death for us O'level grads.
The shit is gonna be dished out tomorrow. I'm gonna die. D:

In preparation for my demise, i have prepared an insurance of touring the various poly(technics) , e.g. Ngee Ann(NP), Singapore poly(SP) and Nanyang poly(NYP).
It was tiring. So huge.. spending a few hours to listen to old men (mostly) rant on and ask about your prelims, etc.. being dragged off to yet another exhibit, endlessly crawling along.. *sigh*
I hope my results guarantee me a place in VJ so i can stop worrying. But of course i know how i screwed up for Olvl so i guess it's just a fruitless, futile dream of mine.

Apart from that, the only thing i did was.. well.. IMO.
I think i'm getting bored of life. Facing that tiny screen, voluntarily making my eyes hurt(it's really bright in the middle of the night), trying to find the meaning of life from a phone(quote from a certain Commonwealth essay which bagged the top prize)...
My muscles atrophied.
I wanted to go cycling and revise the damned SJCHO(singapore junior chem olympiad) notes but i failed, obviously..
Being addicted to the game is kind of sad. It lures me back to do nothing with my life.. I'm wasting lots of time when i could be better off preparing myself for the future. I'm even too lazy to post. <(._.||)>

oh well. Will post my shameful results tmr.

=_____=

yesterday was another Fail Day, as usual.
I finally got my hair cut, so it turned from bushy to.. well.. not much.
I hate cutting hair cos my friend daid that after i cut my hair i look like a primary school kid. ZZz.
*************

Since i overslept, what i was intending to eat for lunch became dinner.
Receipe: Western food
step1. buy stuff from Cold Storage. A huge can of some funny yellow bean, two small potatoes, and a chicken steak (really expensive)
      2. go home, boil the beans, and steam the potatoes. I was supposed to steam it for 20 mins but stopped at 15 cos they felt soft enough.
      3. meanwhile, get some kitchen paper to soak up the oil from the steak.
      4. add some salt to the beans. cut off potato skin and green portions including the eyes.
      5. dump potatoes in bowl containing some salt and margarine. Proceed to mash potatoes, only to realise that they were too hard.
      6. Use knife in a really awkward manner to cut up potatoes.
      7. Eat dinner consisting of cold beans, cold steak and potato cubes (supposed to be mashed), using a butter knife because my house has no steak knife. =.=|



Receipe: instant noodles
step1. add hot water.


Receipe: omelette
step1. take out two eggs, crack them and beat them using a fork(i don't have an eggbeater). At this point in time, too much air bubbles enter the egg mix.
       2. pour a little olive oil and add cheese based on personal preference.
       3. flip omelette using a spoon, cos i don't have the suitable equipment (forgot the name)
       4. eat omelette that is not fully mixed and is full of air bubbles.


conclusion: I'm a lousy cook.

+_+??

Yeah. So I had another weird dream. It's not really clear, but i remember running around some crazy shopping mall, where some stores were pretty open- concept and stocked wonderful bike parts (but expensive- a blue spanner retailed for $500. *.*|) and i was trying to find a guitar place. I missed it, even with the middle-aged dude in the shopfront playing the metal strings of.. something.. -.-|
Then i suddenly went back to my secondary school classroom (sec4), with some lower sec students included and it was really messy... i was supposed to donate blood or something, which i hate cos i'm too thin, and would probably faint after. Then the nurse gave me miniature plushies/plastic/some material Desert Beholders (from IMO: TWOM) that are basically red slugs with a huge head and a single eye and two little horns sticking out that move very fast. I think i dropped them into the toilet bowl where they floated inanimate.
Toilet bowl infesters, yech.