On General Elections

Long overdue post, but since there's nothing interesting in my life, there's also nothing much to write.
Brief summary of my life thus far, in reverse chronological order, since that's how i remembered:

• I have realised that i am already mostly used to the flat relief of the area, the condo standing where the grassy plain used to be, the disgustingly wide, open road that makes crossing over to the other side perilious (correct my spelling error, please). It's such a sad thing that i have grown numb and immune to such things. i have acknowledged that these will be the way things are, and my peaceful meadow will never come back. There is no word that you can use to describe this sort of emotion, this raw, overpowering sense of loss... sometimes, the simplest words can describe them most aptly and succintly. i suppose that this is what makes me such a horrible failure in life. i have forgotten all that was once important to me.
• My Prelimary Idea(PI) for Project Work (PW) has once again been largely criticised and condemned by the teacher. After about three sleepless nights, this is the result, the cumulation of my efforts... i think i am going about it the wrong way. I got feedback from the teacher that it needs to be more specific.
• LOL i realised i published the post without commenting on the GE. So anyways. Basically, the whole of Singapore is now caught up in the elections. Even i, an outsider to such issues, has had many opinions and information filtered to me. I don't even read the Straits Times, which is very risky and detrimental to my econs and General Paper. Sigh. To summarise the political situation: the PAP want to retain their control over Parliament and the opposition want to oust the PAP-- REGARDLESS of whether it worsens the political aspects. And the opposition are fractured. They shoud learn how to work together as a united front and push against the PAP if they really want to win their respective voting districts. I believe that oppositions work as checks-and-balances for the ruling party, but it's fine currently. The opposition probably will not win too many seats this time round as well, but the tides are changing; the PAP is now seen as the 'bad guy', the one holding the power and ruling for a nearly unbroken streak of more than 40 years. Perhaps it's because of all the revolutions going on in the middle east, and Singaporeans are more motivated for change in their political parties now. A common grouse that i have with most of the nominees is that THEY REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK CHINESE PROPERLY. I cannot believe that (mostly) middle-aged nominees have not yet learnt how to speak chinese properly. Perhaps it's because of the Government's previous campaign to let students learn more English for use as a language of commerce, and the fact that the better candidates are largely english-educated.
• Lots of homework to be done as usual sigh. Seeya.

Personal Life

Before moving on to the more emotional stuff, here's a little snippet about Biosoc.
Today we elected our new exco. And sadly enough, some people whom i really wanted to be in exco didn't make it in. That was one of the major emo moments of today, another one being that i failed my very first actual biology test (12/25). I really wonder how i went from a 80+% for tests in secondary 4 to a failing mark. I concluded that i am not working hard enough. Perhaps it's time to cut out the extraneous stuff, like my daily dose of manga and games on my phone.
Some people asked me why i didn't run for an exco position (the current biosoc chairman and the pract comm division which i've been working with). Actually, i did want to, but the procedures and the interview and my schoolwork put me off. Sigh. I felt that i was ready to lead, after filling in a 'nil' when VS choir asked the sec 3s to write what position they wanted in the comm back then. Back then, i guess i wasn't so mature as to take on so many roles. Schoolwork then was enough to make me feel suffocated already (it still does). As for now, i didn't relish the idea of having to clear an interview, because i fail interviews at a 100% rate, but what was most important was that i might not be able to cope with the growing pile of schoolwork and juggle my commitments when i already have to submit some pieces of work late. Also i felt that there were many talented people running for exco already and if i went in i'd only stand a a in 3 chance. I guess that's the bad part of low self-esteem. I really admire the 'just do it' attitude of some people, and the fact is that these people usually have more outgoing personalities. Perhaps i should have tried running for exco as well; after all there was nothing to lose. However, it isn't as easy to change one's personality as it seems. What i need is to gradually be more outgoing over the next one and a half years in my JC life, and hopefully i'll emerge a more confident person from my experiences.

After coming home, i confronted my father about the seven air-cons he was going to install in the new house. I felt that it was overly excessive when after all, fans were more than enough to cool the house. And after some tearing on my part, my father finally told me the reason behind why he was installing an air-con in a small room (2.5 x 2.5) that was going to be mostly open to the living area- he was going to retire soon. i had never known that until i pressured him just now. I suppose it just didn't occur to me to ask, and him to tell me. Something in me broke, and the tears just slowly welled up inexplicably. I guess this is what happens when you're too stressed (although i really don't think i am). I think the little heart-to-heart-talk just now improved the relation between my father and I. Communication should be far more than this, and not just a few snippets here and there, demanding money on certain days.

陶冶性情

Whenever i walk past the condo being built, I see the new road, so gentle, so wide, the asphalt so much darker in colouration than the previous one. I smell the choking cloud of conorete dust, and think of the days when i could breathe fresh air from the grassy plain, and pay my silent respects in reverence to the giant banyan tree under it's shade. I stop for a few seconds, closing my eyes and imagining what used to be. My logical self accepts that all that has gone, but yet my heart still aches, still yearns for the past, still shedding silent tears as i recall how much i didn't treasure it...
First came metal barriers; then small trees were cut down, and the place surrounded with impregnable opaque fences that obsured my vision, that didn't allow me to witness the fall of the banyan tree; then the heavy machinery came and dug out a huge, gaping pit in the grassy plain... Slowly, but surely, i cannot recognise the place anymore.

Deja Vu.

The same thing is happening to the estate i am living in.

Soon the huge variety of plants will be uprooted and tossed aside.

The showflat will be erected.

And then my family will move away.

Slowly but surely, my memories will fade.

I won't remember what used to be anymore.

And then, when all have forgotten what this plot of land used to be like, it would have truly died.

Age and time.

They increase with each passing day.

Both a boost.

Conferring experience to people

And yet a poison.

Erasing the distant cobwebs of memories.

Change can be such a brutal experience.

On Various Things in My Life

Things on the agenda that i probably wouldn't talk about anyway, either because 1. I'm lazy (you know that, right) 2. i'm busy (true, but it's just an excuse for 1.) 3. I forgot (highly plausible) 4. I'm no longer in the mood to write about it because after i came home the atmosphere just vanished (sad, but true. T_T)

so.
1. The lastest GP stuff (social media and a certain test i did in the info pack)
2. Security issues (sounds like it could make a good essay, but due to a combination of the above reasons, i probably won't be doing it. Too bad.)
3. More emo stuff about the building of condos near my house, and how i don't want to move out despite certain drawbacks.

Biosoc.

Today bio society/ biosoc/ RSBS did dissections. The first was a frog(actually, i don't know if it was a toad, the skin was kind of rough). My group, by chance, got a female frog which was heavily pregnant with eggs. There were many instances when i felt that i did the frog wrong. When we first started, we were supposed to open the mouth. The frog's mouth then proceeded to pulsate, as though the organism were still alive. I really hope it wasn't because i don't think it would be very pleasent to cut it up(messily) and disembowel it, etc while it was still alive. Ouch. It was supposed to be dead after chloroform, though. I pray that it was really dead because it weighs heavily on my conscience. It feels as though i did the poor creature wrong.

After flipping the frog on its backside, every time we tried to cut its skin the frog's abdomen tensed.
Then i accidentally cut a major artery at the left side of the frog and blood welled out and pooled beneath the skin.
Then another senior (J2) accidentally ruptured the blood vessel supplying blood to the eggs. There were many black-and-white eggs and i feel really, really heartless for depriving so many lives from being lived. (*sobs*)
Then we dug around in the frog's innards, pulling out the many loops of small intestine, the brownish coloured colon, which was somehow inflated to an almost gross extent (supposed to be 2mm, but it looked more like 1cm to me), the gallbladder(i think), the beating heart. And after the sheep's eye dissection we tried cracking the frog's skull to see the brain and attached nervous system but the bone refused to budge. Hence someone slipped a scissorblade in, and snipped. Some red liquid came out. I suspect it contained a portion of the brain. And in the end, we didn't manage to see the brain.
Finally, after the sheep's eye dissection, which involved snipping away alot of fats, we disposed of the frog in the rubbish bin. I saw it sticking out behind a black plastic bag, and i turned away quickly and said sorry under my breath. I guess i can see why the ethical debate over religion and science is such a hot topic. But in the end, i suppose that both can be melded together. Scientists can have religion too, even though i don't. i simply feel that the way we mutilated the frog was just too cruel and we did it a disservice. Once again, i hope the frog doesn't blame it against me (even though it can't exactly convey it's displeasure to me, if it was).

When i came home i once more walked past the latest condominuim being developed. The stench was as usual unbearable, that of oil mixed with car exhaust and concrete dust and other odours drifting from the construction site. And i reminiscenced. It wasn't that long ago when what the new condo is standing on used to be a beautiful windy grassy field with a very large, very old banyan tree in the middle; and before that, a bus terminal, or so my parents say to me. It's just so sad when you see the trees being converted to a concrete jungle at breakneck speed, the old being forsaken for the new. Of course, change does occur, and must occur in order for further development of the country, but at times we need to conserve such spaces to serve as a link back to our younger days, or Singapore's younger days.
Sometimes, i just feel so weary, an old head on a young body, as though the world was spinning really quickly and i couldn't catch up. The hardest part is when you are like me, having a less-than-optimal memory. Once the grassy field vanished from my sight, i have now conveniently forgot how the plot of land used to look like. When you try to leave the old for the new, sometimes you can't catch up and whatever you had originally is rendered void.
This will become a pressing problem in future, when the younger generation who have never, ever touched their original culture take over from the ageing citizens who are currently holding the fort now for jobs that younger people do not want to be in, such as operation of the ferries from Pulau Ubin to mainland Singapore.

Class Camp.

As the title says.
First came another brain-numbing session of Bio Olympiad where the lecturer expounded on animal structure. I had to leave halfway because of the camp, changed into PE attire and hurried down to the meeting place where my female classmates were cam-whoring, waited for the bus, and proceeded to play card games on the bus.

I found out a few days before the camp that we weren't going to Outward Bound Singapore (OBS) but instead to some National Police Cadet Corps(NPCC) campsite on the other side of Pulau Ubin. Hence, expected kayaking and high-elements course were not realised and i was sorely disappointed for the camp. In the end, all we did was to skive around, the guys talking about obscene stuff and the girls gossiping throughout the night after everyone had an experience going through a tunnel somewhere and attempting the boulder-climbing artificial wall which formed part of the tunnel. Boulder climbing is different from rock climbing in the sense that the former requires one to move sideways but the latter requires one to move upwards in general. There were stories shared by my classmates on encounters with the supernatural and the person-in-charge of my group told us anecdotes about places he visited or heard about, including the old French embassy in Singapore. I won't explain it because it gives me an uneasy feeling and i'd rather try not offending the things in question. I am quite unique because i am a free thinker who believes in everything. It doesn't make sense,and yet vaguely you feel that it makes sense deep in some hidden corner of your mind.

The next morning was basically my class and i trying out the low-elements course in the campsite. Obviously, it wasn't thrilling at all, and the mosquitoes didn't help one bit. I get the idea that the purpose of our visit was simply to feed those insects which came in swarms and invaded every single bit of land my class ventured onto. After clearing the tents erected the previous day, it was more basking around in the comfort of the shade of the corridors and playing Monopoly Deal and Bridge (I finally learnt them on the first day of the camp) before walking back to the jetty, eating lunch and taking the bum-boat back to the mainland, yada yada yada, and reaching school, and making my way home.

And so as usual, the sudden realisation that i have a very, very big pile of untouched, unfinished homework hits me, as though being flung far away by a truck travelling at high speed. It is time to force myself to keep awake again. Sigh.

CIP.

Life is so busy. I'm writing this post at the brink of exhaustion. I really want to sleep now, but there's still so much to be done. I haven't packed my bag for the class camp or done my homework. Apparently there will be lessons BEFORE the camp starts so we still have to turn up in school uniform. That, honestly, sucks. There is no better word for it.

The reason why i haven't done my homework is because i can't manage time well enough. Thursday-Friday: Biosoc camp. Saturday: Chorale practice, whole day. Today: CIP, 9am-9pm. I don't regret signing up because i got to interact with and lead around a small group of people and help them enjoy their games etc. But the sad thing is, i still don't know how they got into this programme on Sunday, because ISLE(enrichment CIP thing) Cambodia organised it, and there were obviously no Cambodians around for us to show around, just Singaporeans. So how did they even know of this activity? I really wonder..

FML.

Life, as always, is really, really busy.
The FML moment mentioned: when i forked out $1.20 to buy drinks, realised the one i wanted to buy was $1.30, had to buy coke, and then realised that i had $0.30 in my pocket. It sucks because i gave up my ice lemon tea and had to buy coke, which to me is basically nothing more than sugar-flavoured black carbonated water. And i don't see why people pay so much for so little in return. One might argue that that is also the case for my favourite ice lemon tea but i guess it's just a matter of personal preference on what i would rather waste that money on. And of course, ultimately bottled drinks are nothing more than a waste of money and i should just convert back to using a plain old watter bottle.

To keep things short, i had biosoc (Raffles Society of Biological Sciences/RSBS) camp from Thursday afternoon to Friday(today) evening, and then proceeded to go for a cool awsome concert called All in The Name of Art, and so i'm here now, all sticky and sitting down and typing this post in front of my netbook, which weathered the same onorous conditions as me, apart from the fact that it spent the night in my locker and i spent it in a tutorial classroom in school.

Taking into account the fact that the assignments have once again piled up; or to be more precise, i never really finished them, i shall now proceed to bathe and then sleep to wake up early in the morning tomorrow again for chorale practice. It appears that what i had in mind, to at least pack my bag for Monday-Tuesday's class camp, is not going to happen at all. Oh well, goodnight.