Monday, July 2, 2012

Confused.

Life has been pretty harsh to me lately.
They say, bad things always happen in threes.. Indeed, I've had a harrowing time lately. First is family issues. Next is friends... especially someone whom is very, very close to me. Lastly, I just realised that the memory card for Chorale trip has been lost. This matters not because of the physical loss of the memory card, but because of its implications... How many have been waiting for me to upload their precious photos that contain all the memories? How can I share them with family and friends? How can I have any memory of what I took? To be sure, a kind soul has offered to give me her photos, but can that really be the same if our lens were pointed at different things?

Why is all this happening? Because of coincidence? Because there really is a God up there, deciding to punish me for my dislike of proselytising? Because someone has decided to put me through what seems like endless trials? I feel so lonely now... Who can I turn to? My friends don't know me well enough; those who do have their own problems to settle and I don't wish to worry them, as do my parents...
Where is a figure of authority when I need one? Is this supposed to turn me towards God? Am I fated to renounce my identity as free-thinker, something I treasure greatly? Who will guide me through the many dilemmas I face? Or am I destined to spend the remainder of my energy mired in this and end up throughly broken, unable to mend?
All the pressures, all the things I've had to deal with. So muh that I don't agree with. Someone whom I've let down greatly. How? How do I cope... How do I bring smiles back to faces?

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