After-ORD life has not been very slack. While I would dearly like to collect my post-army thoughts and blog about those days (as I have been wanting to for a year and ten months), deadlines do not allow for it…
I have failed, been failing, am failing. I guess most of life's events are partial success-failures and it's up to our own personal perspective to determine which is which. Yet the truth is obviously grey. And I seem to lack to ego filter that most people do and instead acknowledge the grey truth for all it's worth.
Anyway, I'm currently trying to add more discipline into my life. While leisure has no measurements in time, productivity on the other hand seems to be gained through an iron will. Like so many things in life… Freedom seems to only gain wings when you define it by a certain set of rules, such is the beauty or nature of the world. High-profile writers make their best work by dedicating fixed amounts of time to writing daily. This brings to mind Malcom Gladwell and his 10,000 hours theory… You put in the hours, you get results, no qualms about it. So when I feel like it, I push my deepest self into the highest-security containment I can find, lock it, chain it, no thoughts about any insecurities or other strays that serve to distract, tell it to bid its time for when I am alone or with my closest, smallest circle of people whom I can be that quivering tiny mass of shit (not all the time… nobody deserves that treatment) and start on work.
Ah, someday I long to be that ideal person who juggles every damn ball well… Pray it not be a farce.
I have failed, been failing, am failing. I guess most of life's events are partial success-failures and it's up to our own personal perspective to determine which is which. Yet the truth is obviously grey. And I seem to lack to ego filter that most people do and instead acknowledge the grey truth for all it's worth.
Anyway, I'm currently trying to add more discipline into my life. While leisure has no measurements in time, productivity on the other hand seems to be gained through an iron will. Like so many things in life… Freedom seems to only gain wings when you define it by a certain set of rules, such is the beauty or nature of the world. High-profile writers make their best work by dedicating fixed amounts of time to writing daily. This brings to mind Malcom Gladwell and his 10,000 hours theory… You put in the hours, you get results, no qualms about it. So when I feel like it, I push my deepest self into the highest-security containment I can find, lock it, chain it, no thoughts about any insecurities or other strays that serve to distract, tell it to bid its time for when I am alone or with my closest, smallest circle of people whom I can be that quivering tiny mass of shit (not all the time… nobody deserves that treatment) and start on work.
Ah, someday I long to be that ideal person who juggles every damn ball well… Pray it not be a farce.
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