Tuesday, June 4, 2013

NS Updates

Meh. What happened to frequent postings...><
Anyway, the idea was to blog about little snippets of NS life without getting myself into trouble by revealing stuff.
Not like I know most locations because maps are just so few and far in between...-.-

Anyway, it's really late and I shouldn't be doing this. But I still am anyway so whatever.

So, life lesson I've been wanting to share: everything should be done with a sense of enjoyment. Even if its something you detest, try to find the good in it and smile and laugh. Things really seem much easier after that... Even if you smile like a spastic during your 2.4km run (as I do) the world won't really care... It's all in the mind, says my commanders. Hee.

... And in other news, something very good happened to me. So I hope it lasts and continues growing and continues making me happy (: 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Life in a nutshell

Okay. At this point in time I really shouldn't be doing this but argh.
So, life. I think that we generally follow either of two pathways (impossible to reconcile) - either keep running on the hedonistic treadmill, or giving everything up and being a monk or nun or something like that.

I came up with another analogy for this.

We are all little kids carrying plastic baubles/balls. Each represents something dear to us. Say, friends; family; wealth; etc. As we run along the path of life, invariably more attractive things come along the way that we try to pick up and carry along as well. So we bend down, stoop and pick them up. But eventually, there comes a point in time where if we are not cautious enough, all the balls may scatter everywhere. Then we pick up the balls one by one and continue doing what we've done.
Choosing to let go of all the balls, then, is like choosing to give up a hedonistic lifestyle - no more burdens. Yet most of us choose not to do so, because the thought of losing everything is exceptionally painful.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

A beginner's guide to behaviour

Okay. So I enrolled in this course from Coursera (a website offering free online courses from universities around the world, sans Harvard and MIT because they have EdX, which is exclusive and serves the same function). The course is from Duke University with lecturer Dan Ariely. I thought that he suffered a stroke at first, but it turns out that he suffered burns on 70% of his body (if I remember correctly).

Anyway, I've been tardy, signed up for it on 1st April when it started a week ago. But ive already had some insights from the curse. Not exactly revelations though because I knew about it long ago, but I did underestimate the importance of this thing we call laziness. Or doing things by default. Basically, irrationality. And it does have links as to why The Talk Project has not really launched off yet. On yet another tangent, I've not been speaking much to people. It seems that the adrenaline that courses through the first time doesn't apply to the next few. So, very hard to all. BUT I'm going to keep trying and I hope that people do!

So, about this thing called irrationality. Dan mentions an example about doctors who have to choose between a default of forwarding a patient for hip replacement surgery and calling up the patient to ask him to try another course of medicine (ibuprofen) that the doctor forgot about in a scenario (version1). Mot doctors in this case act like good doctors and choose to call. HOWEVER, in Version 2, two courses of medicine are forgotten. Due to the simple hassle of two drugs, most doctors in this case choose to stick to the default mode and send the patient for hip replacement surgery. This incidentally also links to a TEDtalk on why we should use our brains and question what professionals (self-claimed or otherwise) say. Because they're not always right. TEDtalks are really fun stuff to watch and bring many ideas to you sitting and being a couch potato. Watch videos right here: http://www.ted.com/
Don't be lazy and choose the default of not even clicking!!!

So anyway, I can flesh this idea out a little more. Try testing the group of doctors when they're fresh in the morning and when they're tired at night. I'm pretty sure the default is chosen when we're tired. Oh by the way this concept I am talking about is called choice architecture. Sorry for not mentioning it earlier. The factors that affect our decisions are the environment, defaults, and the complexity of the situation - meaning that if one or more factors are in place, we tend to shut off and (worded in Singlish, something unique to Singapore) just "heck it lah". I'm pretty sure everyone has had this kind of experience at least once in their lives unless theyve been enlightened Buddhas since birth. That one-cent difference in the Microsoft Excel spreadsheet when it's five minutes till knocking off? Conventional economics dictates that the opportunity cost of switching on the computer, changing a value and shutting it off is far greater than leaving the minor mistake alone and spending that five minutes staring into blank space (duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Cue dumb caveman noise.)
In sum, we tend to care much less about making choices and leaving it to the default when we're tired.

This kind of linked back to why Steve Jobs and Apple have been so successful as well. I'm assuming he knew about this concept and set about making minimalist designs centering around this idea, because his products follow this rule. For those who have been living under exceptionally huge rocks, when you compare an iPhone to any other on the market for instance, you get much lesser colours - black and white/silver. This even follows from DSLRs, which have taught people that good things come in few colours. So an iPhone must be spectacular compared to coloured bethren who have to appear sexier to appeal. Iphones are also notorious for making the choice for the laypeople (I'm assuming that tech geeks have the ability to hack and change the operating system as they deem fit). Ringtone? Alarm? Sorry, but you only get a finite number of tones to choose from. The words are either black on white, or in the negative. It turns out that letting people be their true nature (lazy) is great money.

And also that's why when I sketch stuff on my little book I try to limit the number of options available. Too many, and people won't buy it. Incidentally, the same problem arises when I go to hawker centres, those uniquely Singaporean landmarks - too many foods. And shopping malls (cant see why people spend their lives shopping. Girls.... An entire mystery onto themselves....) too.

I'm currently at the part where Dan talks about how retirement plans are made such that most people don't have one. Okay, perhaps they're naturally that way. But you have to opt-in and fill in troublesome forms; you have to choose from many different plans; and it's am important decision that affects your life. No surprise, then, that people just don't care enough in the present to get one. This is how we procrastinate.

So anyway. It does appear, as NNN criticised, that my idea is too sketchy. Who in their right mind would be rational enough to print out stuff, cut them and place themselves in uncomfortable situations when they could be gaining levels, chatting with friends virtually, checking social media? So the task for me now is how I'm supposed to make things easier for people to take up my idea. Got none, though... And of course, most people would simply like the post and (at best) share The Talk Project on their own Facebook walls. But making it easier for this project to go viral ups the chance of news reaching people who are dedicated enough to actually carry out substantial action.

So as a parting shot, I think that regardless of job, those who know the value of choice architecture and actively choose to go against the tide should be given chances of promotion. Because they're at least fighting to constantly be better as opposed to those who have nothing but paper qualifications. Not that those are bad to have. (: 

Monday, April 8, 2013

Republic Poly

I didn't know that this place was done by a famous Japanese architect.
Anyway, a lame joke:
What do architects say when they go to a pharmacist? 
..
..
..
"Can I have some pilasters, please?" 
Heh. Pilaster. Plaster. Hohoho. 
Okay, that wasn't funny. 

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Nuggets of wisdom from Candy Crush

Now, I never intended to play this game. But anyway after trying out a level on my father's phone I decided to try it out. So I wasted a good portion of my spare time for a week, got to level 35, saw that I had to ask people o Facebook, and quit. So, lessons learnt:
1. Be prudent. Make your moves wisely after dileberating them.
2. Yet, there are times when you have to be spontaneous (such as during timed sessions). Make life fun. Don't always be a bore and think about work. We exist not only to make money, to do something we don't really like (hopefully not...) or to clock in hours to make the boss/girl/wife happy.
3. Grasp what is important in life (such as how to make multiple combos). Then, see the same pattern (such as in time trials or turn-based rounds) and apply the same method to succeed.
4. In life, there must be other people (such as your friends and family) to compete against, share information with, debate about. Help each other along the way, and you will be helped in return.
5. There may be people who want to reach level 275 ASAP. But what's the point in doing so? Treasure the process of getting there. And unlike in this game, life has no happily-ever-after Disney moment where happiness plateaus. Keep moving, keep learning, keep exploring, and keep doing things you love. With the people whom you love. 

Wisma Atria and Central (Chinatown)

Wisma Atria's lights are very pretty. The lights of the latter change colour slightly. For the former, I wanted to take a blur shot but my iPhone was too smart and auto-focused too fast. 

The view it to Clarke Quay from Central. When you walk up from the MRT/subway, you see a rather pathetic view at the first floor. Yet it is also rather smart in a way, because I think the architect meant for people to not really enjoy this little space with food signs blaring down at you and a huge lift to ferry office workers up but to cross over into an atrium and stare at escalators crisscrossing the main space. This second space is like a Sim Lim Square of sorts, that notorious building that provides quality hardware for techies and yet scams the living daylights out of poor tourists. I got quite curious about a shop with a long queue of people coming for free luggage and apparently after asking a dude on the MRT (whose demeanour reminded me of an architect where I'm interning) it transpired that this is a bank's scheme. Or credit card or something. Anyway. Yes, I got to feel a little frightened on the escalators because they were really chucking me in thin air. Central also reminds me a little of Orchard Central, where there's also a layout which people find disorientating. And the shops are a little too unprofessional looking and open to the public and small for such a space. So, quite clashy.




Friday, April 5, 2013

Architectural Wanderings

 
The escalators at HDB Hub. Looks like a cascade of light. Really pretty.
This building is curved and to me looks a little like a ship. On the right there's an alfresco-like area. 
Very monolithic with shiny brown tiles covering this particular elevation. Very striking, but the phone couldn't capture all of that.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The Talk Project

Okay, will upload pictures later. But anyway, this (as usual) came about because I was annoyed with something. So this something this time round is that I don't like people, ncluding myself, to be in the public and not chatting to each other. Why is that so? Is it because people have to protect themselves against others to prevent overexposure of social interactions? (I forgot which famous guy said that, but I learn it in GP. Thanks Mr C.) Or is it because of the smartphone era where people are wedded to their mobile devices, playing games like Candy Crush, watching Korean dramas, listening to music and (in my case) watching iTunes U lectures? Or could it simply be a case of conformists refusing to change the status quo because they don't mind it?

Anyway, to try and get people talking on the MRT and bus and in parks and whatnot to avoid awkward silences, I came up with this project one night, meaning I gave form to it two days ago. So it's still just me but I'm going to try and recruit my friends. Friends, watch out. Hehe. I want to see if I can be a "hub", someone who can connect to many different friends and help create a wave from there. It's also a way to see the power of social media. 

So what I'd like people to do is this: 
Route 1. Get a "namecard"; be inspired enough by me/ someone else to go home, surf the net to find a jpeg to print/scan in the namecard thing and distribute them around as well.
Route 2. See people posting a weird card like thing on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and changing their profile pictures to a picture that says Talk. Get intrigued enough to read on. Get the courage to spread it around. Get even more courage to talk to others on the way home when there's nothing else o do but play games. 

Will it be successful? Will it be a passing fad? Is a passing fad all that I want? Is it what most people who've tried stuff like this want? Probably not. But don't we all try and then hope for the best? So, I hope for the best. Perhaps in a year's time a miracle may have happened and when I'm out from NS on the weekends I see people being really friendly to each other, regardless of trying to protect their sanity from too many social interactions blah blah. 

Monday, April 1, 2013

Dreams

Actually, I'm not doing much for NUS scholarships application and USP for now (...)
SIGH
I wonder why )))))):
These are two things I really want to get! USP because I want to study architecture and take on something similar to liberal arts. Scholarship because it offers me the option of USP. And well... Who doesn't want free money? Free hostel fees (for the most prestigious of them all); laptop allowance; yearly allowance; THE CHANCE TO GO OVERSEAS WAHHH FOR USP TOO; and no bond! It's a dream come true... but will the scholarship board want someone who doesn't have straight A's, who doesn't have a single leadership position due to multiple insecurities; who has low self esteem?

But then again, do dreams come true if we don't try? Am I not trying? I don't want to be this self anymore, this person who slacks, who theoreticises but doesn't carry out what he proposes. I don't want to be an armchair critic. I don't want to keep sleeping away my weekends (my sleep was 9+ hours long these past two days. So am awake now to type all this.). I want to actively seek out and be what I want to be. I'll seek out my uncle for advice. Heck, I'll make plans to go knock on people's doors and see if they are intrigued enough to help me. (So help, please. Hehehe.) And if I manage to snag USP and/or a NUS scholarship (any one that allows me to go for USP!) I will honestly cry. Because these are things which I've never ever wanted so very badly in my entire life (apart from a certain someone). So I'll fight for it. And hopefully I touch souls. I get to touch my dream.

**********************

Anyway. Moving on. I'll be trying to do something extremely rudimentary tomorrow because I suddenly decided to do it after a rather long talk and a rather long day which hasn't resulted in much concrete action. Please, whoever is watching over me... Give me strength. Strength to change myself and to change others. (Hint: is mentioned in one of the posts below.)

**********************

Moving on on the moving on.

Yes.

To all the people out there in the world who actually somehow or rather chance upon my blog.

Do you have a dream? Or dreams?

Are you tryng to make them work?

Or do you think that you've seen it all, especially if you're an adult?

Especially Singaporeans... Are we, as a nation, keen to stay as a country with extremely high PISA scores but yet unwilling to translate into entrepreneurship? Are we satisfied with iron rice bowls? Do we not dream? Have we abandoned our dreams for the cold, hard reality that is so apparent to us?

Perhaps I'm still young, still innocent, still naive enough to dream.

But while this lasts, while I am not yet jaded enough to resign myself to simply churning out run-of-the-mill designs as an arhcitect (hypothetical scenario), I encourage you, dear viewer, to take a few minutes and think. Have you left your dreams to fade and die? Why? Why not keep trying?

I, too, have dreams. Dreams of going overseas, to study with the best of the best. Dreams that were punctuated by me being less hardworking than I should have. Dreams that were torn asunder by my A level results. But should we continue crying for ever? (I know I mope a lot... Maybe it'll stop in a few months more to come. Heh.) Shouldn't we patch up our dreams and continue to surf the wind and see where we go? Isn't there always the question, "what if"? (In no reference to what I wrote to James Lee, Author of the Mr Midnight series, as a primary school kid.) What if we don't stop dreaming? What if we all decided to pluck up the courage to stop regretting? What if we decide to change?

How many people have I met who have dissuaded me from architecture? Yet what am I afraid of? What happens when dreams are realised but aren't what we make them out to be?

But if we never try, we never know. This is the biggest lesson that my grades have taught me.

Because I am not content to simply exist and then have my light snuffed out a few decades later. Why continue wasting our minutes, hours, days, months? Whatever age we are, do we not want to be the best that we can be? Learn as much as there is to learn? Take in the beauty of the world? Do we really want to blunder through life before hitting a mid-life crisis?

So for our own sakes, I feel that we should pluck up the courage to change ourselves and our environment.

I personally find this the hardest thing to do, ever. But yet, I must keep trying. And I hope everyone else does too.

 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Architecture

The title says it all, huh. Before I forget (again) I need to type this out. 

So, what do I dislike about the world? I'm pretty sure that there aren many, many rants about the stupid construction sites I've seen as I walked home in the past. The iron behemoths that belch smoke, that don't belong; the earth rent open and exposing a huge gash of red clay; the loss of magnificent trees and structures that evoke the kampungs of yesteryear.

So why not become an architect who tries his best to stop these kind of things from happening?

One person whom I admire is this guy, Ng Sek San, who incorporates an old shophouse into the new hotel and builds a glasshouse inside as the living quarters. He should be the person whom I saw in the newspapers last year, I guess... Perhaps I should be crazy and ask if they allow interns from Singapore over. Maybe sleep in the company and launder my own clothes. As long as I get to learn. And not do things like saving email. Meh. Anyway here's the link: http://www.seksan.com/ you won't regret clicking on it!

Also, I think there's a general percention among the Singapore architecture fraternity that landscape architecture is something that is below conventional architecture (and the professions as well). Just take a look at NUS's grade requirements to get into an M.Arch specialisation. Hah. Anyway, I recently read a manga called Hell's Kitchen where someone is enslaved by a demon who yearns to taste a 'true chef's soul' and hence hones him to become one. He enrolls in a cooking school where the cooking division think that the agriculture department is useless and vice versa; but in one of the chapters that concludes this arc, it is revealed that both are needed to produce an even more transcendental food; for example, rice may be cooked well, but of poor quality; rice may be of good quality but cooked badly by an inexperienced person. So, the synthesis - good rice procured and cooked by a good chef - would result in the best taste of all. Is it not the case that we often pick the good points, discard the bad and have some brainwave to continue innovating and moving forward? And is it not the case also that we often need different parts to work together harmoniously in order to produce a whole? Without the gums, the teeth are cold (Chinese idiom); we should learn from each other, not beat others down. The Hagelian dialectic (a quick search on Wikipedia tells me that Hegel had nothing much to do with it though! Sigh.) is so useful.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Introspective


The power of social networks is amazing. Let's just leave it at that. 'Guanxi' is not only relevant in China, but also applies to other countries as well.

Anyway, wouldn't it be cool if every person makes it a point to talk to just a single other person on the public transport? Well, I should probably start first, by giving this initiative a name - let's say, Talk Together (T.T) - and then trying it out for myself and giving others hand-drawn namecards. I may even be able to turn it into a money-spinner by selling the idea to the MRT dudes and doodads! Hohohoho. Just kidding. See, even my sentence structure has been oh-so-carefully crafted to make it seme like I regressed back into Secondary One. And if guys' brains mature later than girls' brains, how mentally old is a Sec One kid? Hmm. I recall being unable to recall much earlier than circa primary three but at least I was past my suicidal kiddy stage in lower sec, before I became emo for some strange reason in upper sec. Now I'm relatively happy (the sort of happiness that the not-so-smart enjoy, e.g. playing not-so-smart handphone games, reading manga and not reflecting on it) but with pretty low self esteem.

Anyway away from the deviation and trying to get back to a serious mode.
...
I forgot.
:D
Perhaps I have early-onset Alzheimer's.
This is a pretty scary thing because even the younger patients tend to be in their thirties.
Now I have coincidentally been listening to iTunes U lectures on Alzheimer's and it turns out to be a pretty fascinating subject. And anyway the hippocampus starts shrinking about 10-12 years before diagnosis so the brain is able to redirect and maintain cognitive function for quite a long time. Impressive.
But then again, my memory has always been characteristically bad, so I'll only start to really worry when I lose track of entire conversations. Currently it's more like I forget about washing the dishes a few tens of minutes after I tell myself to do them. I'm not hopeless yet... right?

Anyway, I have no idea what I just did apart from rattling on and on about an eclectic mix of my life. Prattling is actually pretty fun, but serves almost no point. We'll see how the next post fares.

Dam

Anyway, there will probably be a glut of posts soon. Because I have some thoughts that I've been wanting to share but didn't have the time to do so. Stuff that I want to talk about:

1. Posting almost-daily about new things that I've learnt. Because it really isn't too impossible to learn something new every day. So, a way to remember it would be through this.

2. Occasionally posts may come out where I'm exploring different personalities and lives. Just placing myself in others' shoes and seeing what short essay may come out from that. Been a long time in coming, still not arrived but will come soon.

3. A few suggestions about stuff. Like: Imagine there being a grassy field in the middle of the Central Business District. Actually, a tree-filled plain works too. But yes, a field with nothing on it but a door. Perhaps there is some form of jutting out of glass too but I haven't really fleshed it out yet. But the main point is, there is a flight of stairs leading down, into a small theatre space. Bookings can be done and it would be something of a Room of Everything (is that what it's called? The room where people need stuff from and is the HQ of DA.) and contain a grand piano, microphones, cables, lighting, control room, ... and people can come in to hide from the rain or sun for example and they enter a comfortable grotto with people spontaneously presenting their ideas, commenting, voicng out, singing, playing the piano, whatever. I think such a space would be fantastic in making us more outspoken, more liberal, more friendly.

4. Movie review on Cloud Atlas finally and Stephen Chow's Journey to the West. It turns out that he did something similar a number of years ago but I respect him for being able to reinvent, retain a certain song and make the story behind Sun Wukong's golden headband beyond romantic. I love the show. Really.

5. A little comment. I discovered on the Meyer-Briggs personality test/ MBTI test/ whatever you call it that I am an INFJ. Whatever that means, but I is for Introvert. Not surprising there, but I want to be an outspoken introvert, one who doesn't mind befriending people on the train and has the courage to do what he wants to do and the charisma to lead and influence people. Darn, do I want to be given the chance to lead. Let this introvert blossom and grow.

Death and Rebirth

I died.

My A level results were fairly crappy. It's not going to be something that will leave me soon but instead stays quietly and omipresent like a shadow. Or the sound of your own breathing.

In all honestly, I am desperate now. After all the wake-up calls, fate/God/etc decided to give me a slap in the face. So I am jumping into architecture (hopefully), with no knowledge of the arts whatsoever, no music theory background, no drawing or painterly experiences, a less than ideal academic background, zero - absolutely zero - leadership. So many regrets. Even now, after I've held my resolve, my heart wavers. Should I enter architecture, knowing full well the future that awaits? Can I design good buildings? Am I even working hard? I must keep flogging myself with a mental whip - castigate my lazy self into shape. From the Open Yale psychology course (a little outdated at 2007, sadly...), that's my "it" and "superego" at work. I am two persons, one trying to slack as much as he possibly can and the other trying to make up for eighteen years' worth of wasting time.

My grades honestly make me sad. It doesn't matter if it's a true reflection of myself, that I'm still a good person, blah blah. I should be able to do anything I set myself to do. Yet my English grammar remained weak; my Chinese remained a B; my econs grade remained... well, unbelievably bad. Why? Why am I giving scholarship boards and universities a reason to flat out throw my applications in the bin? Why am I disadvantaging myself? Why am I resting while the world is working hard?

I don't believe that I'm being too hard on myself. But I wish for this to be the final time I need a reminder when I fail at something big. It's so painful... too painful to repeat again. It is living with the knowledge of the full extent of your sins being exposed to yourself. It is having a knife twisted in you when others who you know have worked hard get their overseas offers and scholarships, thinking: will anybody still want me? Just a person who is full of regret, head filled with nothing and possessing nothing more than a fierce desire to better himself, day by day; trying to transcend the husk of being a (very, very lowly) mortal. It is a case of the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...

So many people whom I've let down, but most of all myself.

And so I shall continue plodding on, as if I had disobedient legs which I must manually, labouriously lift and carry forward... Screaming out for help in my head, and wishing fervently that someone - anyone - would listen, and oblige.

Perhaps I should have disregarded my own heart and simply tried for a leadership position? I know I would have gotten something and things may be so different now. Yet at that instant, my consiousness sneered at me for being materalistic. Oh, my brain... My brain, in which inhabits so many different me's. Can the good one please always win out? The one that says he'll have the self-discipline to study and read the papers and apply to scholarships and universities and train for NS before sleeping? Only then can I truly start to progress.... only then will I be on my way to a place in life when I can finally say that I can stop being hardworking and enjoy my last few moments slacking before leaving the world.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Arbitrary

I came up with something during my night of baking a chocolate cake but unfortunately, I've forgotten it.

My life is sometimes just so random. Yet all the same, it's quite boring.

Said chocolate cake gave me a sore throat which hasn't recovered since Thursday morning (it's Sunday night now). I suppose it was my mistake to eat a spoonful of chocolate ganache (i.e. mostly melted chocolate and some other sinful thing) in a bid to waste lesser money. Heh. Then I cooked steak, and tonight was pork chop and rice. Rice was too hard though. Oops. Baking and cooking is fun, but its toll on my pocket is not so fun. I'm relatively broke as of now. And you get to realise how sinful most western foods are. Western, because I've not cooked anything else for now. Shall attempt Chinese or some other Asian thing soon.

Anyway, while cycling with friends one day, I realised that if Singapore would have lesser people staying in it in the future (regardless of the Government's current plan to increase population size - mine is long term), it's because we have diverted too much from nature. Imagine, a city where most nature is manufactured and simply aartificial. Then compare it to another place - it could be anywhere in the world - but the parks run mostly free; the sand is natural; the trees aren't imported; the river isn't fake or made into a sad little canal. I'd choose the latter any time. Sometimes, in the race towards extra greenery or anything else to tout being cosmopolitan, or trying to increase the population and neglecting every other side effect, we Singaporeans inadvertently shoot ourselves in the foot. This replacing of natural grassland and woods with buildings and concrete can be said to have happened for most cities around the world, in fact. And it can be compared to a human progressively getting new metal parts and turning into a cyborg. While the overarching idea is ostensibly for progress while preserving culture, we may, in retrospect, suddenly find that we are not who we once were. So where's the culture that we speak so proudly of? Or has it silently vanished into the background while we were focused on developing everything else? Was it really there in the first place?


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Revive.

Finally, first post of 2013, and the first post in about three months. It's been a long time, and sometimes, I confess to missing the feeling of blogging, of typing words, as if the real world, Muggle form of Harry Potter's world where people tap the sides of their heads with a wand and draw forth a silvery strand of thought or memory. Technical wizardry will aid me, too. Translating ideas into legible pixels on a screen, for the world to read (not that many people stop by this humble blog, though).

A friend said that it would be useful to Google oneself and find any traces of things that were best erased from the cyber world. I tried; nothing much came out, besides Facebook. I am simply a forgettable person. Whither happens after death? People crying; an obituary in the papers, and that is about it. Perhaps throw in the sudden realisation that humans are just so much meat and bones physically; we are, after all, just animals. Perhaps too wonderment at what cremation does, leaving nothing behind but some discoloured, light bones. That is what our lives culminate in, eventually, for most people. Only some will become the stuff of legend or subjects of biographies and leave behind some semblance of legacy. No wonder people are afraid of dying; afraid of leaving nothing behind when they have had all the time in the world to change that future. But I digress. This friend said that childhood blogs would be best deleted, hidden away from the world. But why, really? Are blogs not snapshots of who we were in a certain period of time? Perhaps when we have mellowed one day in the future and these words are still floating about, waiting to be rediscovered, we would look back and think of who we were. A past self, open for introspection. Perhaps we would marvel at our radical views; no matter, because opinions change. And even if they were to stay a constant, the value of the blog does not change that much. But of course the world would judge. The world would point their collective fingers and condemn the blogger to hell and beyond.

Now this first post would be quite random since I've obviously went through quite a lot in three months. So random it shall be.

I've always wondered why people don't like to think. We have a mind for a reason - use it. We are human; keep the flame of curiosity alive, that which has always been around, which accompanied us when we were but babes. To think is the hardest thing to do, but why follow the wide and well-trodden when we can all go on our own journeys of self-discovery?
Of course, there is a value in doing other things. Take shopping, for example. To me, it isn't exactly the most enjoyable of activities. Why waste time taking transport to a location and spending valuable time and money on items? I wouldn't mind spending some time choosing things, but to be elbow to elbow with others, jostling along Orchard Road or indeed any other shopping district, is something I refuse to do (unless cajoled into it). Wasting a few hours of my life and some travel money to seek out a slightly better bargain is not exactly smart. Time is money, and vice versa; if we worked throughout, we would be better able to afford other things, no? I like to think of this as some kind of "frictional unemployment". Just that now this represents consumers searching for the best bargains. Some search for too short a period of time (me) and get fleeced. Some search for too long, but it's fine as long as they like it. And others are savvy and spend just the right amount of time. In everything, moderation is key - Goldilocks is much preferred everywhere.

I've finally taken the trouble to read my friends' blogs. It is said that birds of a feather flock together. Having been in top schools has given me the privilege of knowing smarter people. Personally, I'm really quite stupid. It may seem like a joke to others, but one knows oneself the best, sometimes. So I've had the privilege of encountering philosophical blogs. Oh, to blog is a joy. To cook is likewise a joy, and I've been cooking quite a lot, I must add. Too many hobbies and interests, too little time. Or perhaps it's just me as usual, squandering my time away. But anyway, what I've read confirms my state of learned-ness. While others embark on journeys of self-discovery, of wonder, of apprehension, of learning about things that deserve to be learned, I've been doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sometimes I wonder how I can waste so much time doing nothing. It gets to the point when I loathe myself for being so very slothful - the biggest sin of mine, out of the traditional seven. That, I learnt from my secondary school.

Reflection while blogging - sometimes, it gives one a certain sense of calm while letting the mind wander. Willing sentences to form on the screen; where there was but white, now black is painted over it. Sometimes, a pure white canvas is beautiful and pristine. Other times, words are much preferred. To paraphrase another friend, sometimes when a blank canvas is all that is facing us, we dread doing anything to it. We would rather let the status quo remain than take that first step. Yet putting the brush to the surface is indeed half the battle won. Let your heart take you wherever you want to go; find your place in the world and turn the blank slate into an artwork. Live.

Yet, what have I done?

The A levels have ended; I've went to Cambodia and back, Australia and back; took the SAT, finally got an internship (starts soon). What have I really learnt? That I am adept at wasting time? That I am, as I've feared, pretty much useless? What else am I to learn when Chinese come up to you and ask you for recommendations of places to tour at night and you cannot reply them in what is supposedly your mother tongue? When you want to teach but end up being taught and passed over in favour of other teachers? When you see the night sky, the real one that is not obscured by the artificial lights that beam out, and see the sea magnificently crashing against the rocks? When you know that you are at the mercy of adults who dispassionately look through your wannabe CV, with no leadership accomplishments whatsoever to speak of? A tiny, tiny drop in a vast ocean. The thought is scary, yet oddly comforting at the same time. And it spurs me on. Onwards, forever onwards. Marching to my own rhythm. Trying to garner accolades to make myself feel better. Trying to amass knowledge. Trying to live every second well spent. Trying to become someone, something more significant than a little grain of sand on a beach, or a drop of water in an ocean. Give me willpower; give me strength.

And at the same time, I am simply humbled by my lack of mastery of English. Granted, I know a little more vocab than the average guy, but that is all. My grammar is horrendous. The SAT proved that time and again as I suffered defeat after crushing defeat. Defeat at my own hands, determined to learn grammar well enough to get a higher score. Yet always, the practices revealed to me my utter lack of learning. Again, and again. I thought my ego was impossibly small; then it got buffeted, pounded, crushed mercilessly. Yet I still blog, I must blog. I want to blog. I need to blog. Such is the relief from being reflective once more, though this mirror of mine tells me nothing more than my lack of depth. Some tell me that yes, I am deep. Yet I don't find myself so. And indeed, one finds it hard to match up to others when our lives have all taken such divergent roads, always getting further and further away from each other. Wherein the similarity?

What else is there to life other than thinking? Thinking, creating things we have built up, "standing on the shoulders of giants". Leaving a legacy behind to get others to do the same. Isn't that what we have been doing all along, for each field of study, each aspect of life? Even movies get us to think (hopefully). I watched Les Miserables and Cloud Atlas, and I must say that Cloud Atlas has got to be the best or at least one of the best movies I've ever watched. A fluke brought me to the theatres. Rarely have I ever been so glad for a fluke. May do a movie review the next time.

And, I thank my friends for their blogs and for them being who they are. Will continue fighting the entropy that dictates that relationships will slowly expire and get forgotten once people seperate and continue along their respective paths.